Summer/Fall 2019
Kristine is my sister closest to me in age and who dad affectionately called, Krit. We developed a sisterly closeness when I was in my 20’s and I was finally mature enough to be a sister to her.
Kristine had been cancer free for 5+ years — and she found out last month that the cancer has returned.
I have learned a lot by watching my sister go through cancer. Although, I have learned even more by watching her friends rally around her.
I wish I lived closer to her so I could do more than phone calls, texts, emails and cards. I’d like to look her in the eyes each day and say, I’m here for you.
Yet, her friends are “sister friends” — because they support her as if they were her sisters. Her sister-friends have taught me how to be a better sister — they have taught me how to be a sister-friend to others with cancer.
There is a high likelihood that either you and/or a loved one will develop cancer. The American Cancer Society statistics show that more than 1 in 3 people in the US will develop cancer in their lifetime.
Cancer can be caused or exasperated by all kinds of elements – genetic, environmental, diet, lifestyle, chemicals, sun exposure, infections, pollution, etc. It’s not easy to run from cancer.
It can be exceptionally challenging for a friend to know what to say or do for someone who has cancer.
Acknowledgment is key to the emotional well-being of someone facing cancer. People with cancer turn to family and friends and want to know that others are walking with them on this scary journey and that they are not alone.
What to Say and Do:
• Remind them they are not alone: We’ll get through this together. I’m here.
• Be specific in your offers of help: Can I deliver a meal this week? Can I take you to your appointment next Monday? My son wants to walk your dog after school. Would you like me to watch your kids this Saturday? Are you feeling up to a walk and talk?
• Be warm: Hugs. Smiles. Kind eyes.
• Be positive and encouraging: You can do this — one day at a time
• Send thoughtful cards.
• Be ok if they set boundaries with you: Ok – I hear that you’re not ready to talk about your most recent test results — and I’m available to listen if/when you want to talk.
• Use texts for short messages: I’m thinking of you. Just offered a prayer for you. I am pulling for you.
• Reach out via phone and let them know they don’t have to call you back if they’re not feeling up to it.
• Meet them where they are: You’re right — this is scary. And, I’m here.
What Not to Say:
• I googled your cancer and found some stuff on the Internet that you need to read.
• My co-worker had the same thing and here’s what he did…
• Don’t feel that way.
• Is that one of the bad cancers?
• Do the doctors think you got this cancer because you ______? (e.g. smoked in your 20’s, are overweight, clean your house with chemicals, worked in that factory 10 years ago, don’t eat enough vegetables, etc.)
If you’re not sure — ask your friend: I would like to ask you some questions about your treatment. And, if I ask anything too sensitive — please tell me. Is that ok?
Renewing regular activities after cancer treatment is necessary to further the healing process. So continue the encouragement and support as your friend settles into the “new normal” in this next phase of life.
Friendships are an important part of the cancer fight and recovery. If you can’t be a sister — be a sister-friend to someone fighting cancer.
Let your roots grow down into Him,
let your lives be built on Him.
Colossians 2:7
Comments are closed.