Archive | Christian

Divide & Conquer Your Anxiety

By Elizabeth Galanti in Anxiety, Christian, Relationships, Stress Management

Spring 2020

The media constantly informs us that the Coronavirus is highly contagious.

Yet, stress is equally as contagious. A recent study from the University of Hawaii claimed stress can be as contagious as the common cold and you can actually ‘catch’ anxiety from another person.

In these difficult times, we need to be paying attention to our physical health and our mental health.

Research from California shows that the best way to deal with stress is to share your feelings with someone who is in the same situation. When a person shares with another that they feel threatened or scared or uncertain — it creates a buffer from the fear and reduces the perceived threat.

It is absolutely true:
A problem shared is a problem halved.

The answer during the Coronavirus outbreak is to create new normal routines that keep you connected to others while keeping you safe.

Create more intimate gatherings or walks 1:1 out in the fresh air.
Talk to your children and be truthful yet provide age-appropriate information. Let them know they are safe and you will be there for them.
Avoid speculation with others and instead focus on the positives.
Choose family-friendly movies/Netflix and enjoy family time.
Connect with old friends via the phone or Skype.
Allow your children to bring their concerns up. It’s normal that children are repetitive about their fears until they feel calm.
Renew enjoyable family activities such as puzzles and games.
Validate the fears of those around you: “Of course you’re concerned. That’s normal.”
Employ coping skills that nurture your spirit, such as mindfulness exercises, meditation or listening to a podcast from your favorite pastor.
Put together a gratitude list and share it with someone close to you.
Don’t forget grandma/grandpa or the elderly — more frequent phone calls, cards and letters will soothe your spirit and theirs.
Get in a conversation with God – share your worries, concerns as well as those things for which you are grateful. Read scripture. Pray.

Sorrow looks back.
Worry looks around.
Faith looks up.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Embracing the Seasons of Life

By Elizabeth Galanti in Christian, Mindfulness, Stress Management

FALL 2019

Our life is made up of many different seasons. We have seasons for each area of our life, including; friendships, career, marriage, children and spirituality.

Some seasons last longer than others and we can always be assured that a new season is coming.

SPRING
Spring is a season for learning, opportunity and dynamic thinking.

Spring is an exciting time and a time of work. Spring is about new beginnings, baby birds and animals rising from their slumber as life springs forth all around us. Even the sun can hardly wait to rise in the Spring. This season is filled with new beginnings! It might be a budding relationship or graduating college or preparing for a new baby or announcing a retirement.

Spring is filled with hope and calls us to plant seeds while often times not even knowing what they’ll turn into, waiting on God to develop them. Spring is that season of planting seeds with passion, zeal, spiritedness and vibrancy.

Uncertainty as to what is ahead can also be sprinkled into this potpourri.

SUMMER
Summer is a season for reward, celebration, and fulfillment.

It’s hard to think of summer without thinking of the hazy, lazy days of childhood; riding bikes, ice cream trucks, fireworks, swimming pools, camping in the back yard and counting the stars.

Summer is a time of growth, networking, traveling, taking risks and getting out of your comfort zone. This is a time of life where you might experience courage, compassion and euphoria.

You may notice that the seeds you planted in Spring are now rooting, growing and producing fruit.

FALL
Fall is a season for harvesting, reaping and counting our blessings.

Autumn — ah the sweet smell of autumn, the crisp air blowing the colorful leaves around. Fall is harvest time. We’ve planted, protected, and now we reap. God brings us into harvest season to enjoy a full bounty. This season is filled with great blessings not only for us, but for the Kingdom. It is a season of gratitude.

WINTER
Winter is a season for rest, replenishment, evaluating past efforts/mistakes and planning for Spring.

This is the season where plants, trees and animals are resting and regaining their strength for the new Spring season.

Winter is the season to find that deeper sense of inner peace, to bond with loved ones, to journal thoughts/feelings and to think critically and thoughtfully about life — where you have been and where you are going.

MY SISTER, JOAN: Embracing Her Season
Sometimes people think that as they get older — the seasons lose their luster. Yet, when God beckons us to a new season … we need to respond.

My sister, Joan, and her husband, Dean — are healthy, vibrant and in their early 70’s. My sister heard God calling her to make a big and challenging move. After the initial fear, uncertainty and lots of discussions, Joan and Dean embraced it.

They sold their house in the city of Seattle where they had lived for 40+ years, raising 2 children. They purchased 5 acres in the country outside of Seattle and have moved there with both their adult children and grandchildren.

My sister said, “The family compound might not work for some people. And we had to endure people telling us that we were crazy. Yet we and our kids were excited at the concept of living in community as a family. It’s not only a new season for us — but a fresh beginning for the kids and the grandchildren too. This legacy will live on after we are gone.”

You’re never too old to embrace the season where God is calling you. Listen for His whisper.

For everything there is a season
and a time for every matter
under heaven;
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to harvest what is planted

— Ecclesiastes 3:1-2

Staying Steady as America Becomes Unhinged

By Elizabeth Galanti in Anger, Anxiety, Christian, Mindfulness, Stress Management

Fall 2018 – Winter 2019

Are you feeling it too? It is everywhere — people are angry, overwhelmed and worried. Media outlets try to push ratings higher with minute-by-minute perspectives and commentaries that are disturbing and unsettling. Messages bombard us from every angle that our country is divided, kindness has vanished and someone is waiting to call us names if we share our opinion.

So, a key question is: How do I find calm in today’s world? Recent research is pointing to prayer and meditation as an effective tool.

Stick with me. Prayer and meditation does not have to be tied to a belief in God or to a particular religion. If you are agnostic or atheist – don’t stop reading.

1. Meditation & Prayer: Shifts the Brain Into a Soothed State
Dr. David Spiegel, from Stanford University School of Medicine, is a leading brain scientist. He recently published research as to what the brain looks like on prayer.

“Praying involves the deeper parts of the brain— the mid-front and back portions,” says Dr. Spiegel. “These parts of the brain are involved in self-reflection and self-soothing.”

2. Meditation & Prayer: Produces “Feel Good” Chemicals
Feel-good chemicals, such as Oxytocin, are released during prayer/meditation which helps to soothe and lift our spirits.

During times of stress, our limbic system becomes hyper-activated, and we begin to operate from a state of freeze, fight or flee. We move out of a state of contentment and head towards poor decision-making and destructive behaviors. The chemicals produced while praying return us to a state of equilibrium.

3. Meditation & Prayer: Reduces Negative Feelings
Research done at the NYU Medical Center, utilized members of Alcoholics Anonymous who were placed in an MRI scanner. They were shown drinking-related images to intentionally stimulate cravings for alcohol. Participants used prayer to soothe themselves. The MRI data showed dramatic shifts in the prefrontal cortex which is responsible for the control of emotion. Participants self-reported a systemic shift from unsettled to an overall feeling of contentment.

4. Meditation & Prayer: Prepares Us to Take Action
While there is certainly sound argument for the psychological benefits of prayer and meditation, one question frequently asked by those who are agnostic or atheist: What can prayer actually do in the world?

The key is balance between prayer and action. One purpose of prayer and meditation is to recharge our batteries and gain a more centered perspective so that we can move out into the world and create positive change: connecting, re-centering, refocusing and taking steps that create change without destroying other human beings who get in our way.

You can think of prayer as your protective coating for the mind-body-spirit so the action that follows is more effective.

How? If I don’t believe in God.
There are plenty of books, articles and videos out there that can help you with that.

I’ll share one of my own life lessons. I worked with Harold and he used a phrase frequently when responding to someone who was struggling with pain, grief or loss: I’ll hold a good thought for you. That statement was always accompanied by his warm, genuine smile. You felt his care and concern.

One day I asked him what that phrase meant to him. He said, “It conveys my open heart for that person. I hold a deep wish that all the good forces in the cosmos come together for the best possible resolution for that person. My wish for them is that they feel loved and cared for during their difficulty.”

He went on the explain – “I don’t just say it and move on. I spend time envisioning them wrapped up in all the positive energy in the universe – and it making a positive difference in their life.”

In my 20-something naivety, I asked, “Why don’t you direct that prayer to God?”

He replied, “I come from a scientific family with agnostic beliefs – I was not brought up to believe in God. Yet, if I die and I discover that God exists … I will hope that he was pleased that I was still able to pray – even though I didn’t believe in him.”

About a month after our conversation – Harold was killed in a car accident.

30 years later – Harold still crosses my mind. I smile, think of him fondly and wrap my prayer in an interior whisper: Harold, I’m holding a good thought for you.

Make me a channel of your peace
Where there is hatred let me bring your love
Where there is injury, your pardon Lord
And where there’s doubt, true faith in you
Make me a channel of your peace
Where there’s despair in life let me bring hope
Where there is darkness, only light
And where there’s sadness ever joy

— Hymn, Prayer of St. Francis

What Makes Me Feel Good About Me?

By Elizabeth Galanti in Christian, People Pleasing

Summer 2018

Identity orbits around the questions: Who am I? And, what makes me feel good about me?

Identity relates to our basic values that lead us to the choices we make (e.g., marriage, relationships, career, children, volunteer work, etc). These choices reflect who you are and what you value.

A person holds various perceptions of themselves; father, athlete, lawyer, friend. Each position has its own meaning and becomes internalized as “my identity”.

We begin the exploration of “who am I?” in childhood as a function of normal development. And in early adolescence, we become acutely aware of the contradictions within ourselves: I act one way with my friends and another way with my parents and another way with my teachers.

We all have an innate yearning to develop and nurture choices that are consistent with our true self. To deny the true self is to deny the best within us.

Dr. Terry Wardle is a Christian author and provides outstanding Christian-oriented trainings for psychologists, therapists and spiritual directors. I’ve had the opportunity to attend two of his trainings in Ashland, Ohio.

In his book, Identity Matters: Discovering who you are in Christ, Dr. Wardle explains that identity is the foundation upon which we build our individual uniqueness. Identity secures that which satisfies our deepest longings.

Understanding our identity really does matter. It is the foundation of well-being, self-esteem, and self worth that directly influences our quest for purpose and significance in life.

Unfortunately, as children, we develop strategies to feel good about ourselves, building our identity around performance and/or people pleasing. As we move into adulthood, those strategies strengthen and become narrow, twisting, dead-end pathways. There is no sustainable sense of security, happiness or connection.

Do you identify with one or the other of these statements?

People-Oriented Identity: I feel good about myself when certain people are happy with me.
Performance-Oriented Identity: I feel good about myself when I’m meeting/exceeding my performance goals

Most people want the source of their problems to come from the outside and they hope the solution is the same. But, the most important work that sets us free, is based on our identity in Christ and that takes place deep within our souls.

People are wearing themselves out on this treadmill of self-promotion, achievement and pleasing others — unaware that their identity has been built on shifting sand.

This bears emphasizing…..there is nothing wrong with hard work and doing things for others. The point is — other people and performance cannot create a sustainable joy and happiness in how we feel about ourselves.

A solid Christian identity rests upon the rock solid promise that we are the children of God — and that is enough to sustain us.

I can’t proclaim that my identity is built on Christ and twist in the wind when certain people are disappointed in me (people identity) or beat myself up because I failed at something (performance identity).

Happiness in life cannot be achieved solely through pursuit of things we find pleasurable. Those things are fleeting. Happiness is a by-product of how we live in harmony with one’s true self.If you are not experiencing a sustainable happiness, joy and peace that comes from within — I recommend, Identity Matters.

If you get the foundation right, everything else comes together. Get the foundation wrong, life or work or relationships can feel shaky, insubstantial, tenuous and/or flimsy.

This concept of identity is transformational. Identity Matters helps to get the foundation right.

The journey forward to our true self in Christ is a journey backward to the woundings that created our false self.

~ Dr. Terry Wardle, author