Archive | Relationships

Divide & Conquer Your Anxiety

By in Anxiety, Christian, Relationships, Stress Management

Spring 2020

The media constantly informs us that the Coronavirus is highly contagious.

Yet, stress is equally as contagious. A recent study from the University of Hawaii claimed stress can be as contagious as the common cold and you can actually ‘catch’ anxiety from another person.

In these difficult times, we need to be paying attention to our physical health and our mental health.

Research from California shows that the best way to deal with stress is to share your feelings with someone who is in the same situation. When a person shares with another that they feel threatened or scared or uncertain — it creates a buffer from the fear and reduces the perceived threat.

It is absolutely true:
A problem shared is a problem halved.

The answer during the Coronavirus outbreak is to create new normal routines that keep you connected to others while keeping you safe.

  • Create more intimate gatherings or walks 1:1 out in the fresh air.
  • Talk to your children and be truthful yet provide age-appropriate information. Let them know they are safe and you will be there for them.
  • Avoid speculation with others and instead focus on the positives.
  • Choose family-friendly movies/Netflix and enjoy family time.
  • Connect with old friends via the phone or Skype.
  • Allow your children to bring their concerns up. It’s normal that children are repetitive about their fears until they feel calm.
  • Renew enjoyable family activities such as puzzles and games.
  • Validate the fears of those around you: “Of course you’re concerned. That’s normal.”
  • Employ coping skills that nurture your spirit, such as mindfulness exercises, meditation or listening to a podcast from your favorite pastor.
  • Put together a gratitude list and share it with someone close to you.
  • Don’t forget grandma/grandpa or the elderly — more frequent phone calls, cards and letters will soothe your spirit and theirs.
  • Get in a conversation with God – share your worries, concerns as well as those things for which you are grateful. Read scripture. Pray.

Sorrow looks back.
Worry looks around.
Faith looks up.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Oh No — My Friend Has Cancer

By in Relationships

Summer/Fall 2019

Kristine is my sister closest to me in age and who dad affectionately called, Krit.  We developed a sisterly closeness when I was in my 20’s and I was finally mature enough to be a sister to her.

Kristine had been cancer free for 5+ years — and she found out last month that the cancer has returned.

I have learned a lot by watching my sister go through cancer.  Although, I have learned even more by watching her friends rally around her.

I wish I lived closer to her so I could do more than phone calls, texts, emails and cards.  I’d like to look her in the eyes each day and say, I’m here for you. 

Yet, her friends are “sister friends” — because they support her as if they were her sisters. Her sister-friends have taught me how to be a better sister — they have taught me how to be a sister-friend to others with cancer.

There is a high likelihood that either you and/or a loved one will develop cancer.  The American Cancer Society statistics show that more than 1 in 3 people in the US will develop cancer in their lifetime.

Cancer can be caused or exasperated by all kinds of elements – genetic, environmental, diet, lifestyle, chemicals, sun exposure, infections, pollution, etc.  It’s not easy to run from cancer.

It can be exceptionally challenging for a friend to know what to say or do for someone who has cancer.

Acknowledgment is key to the emotional well-being of someone facing cancer. People with cancer turn to family and friends and want to know that others are walking with them on this scary journey and that they are not alone.

What to Say and Do:
•   Remind them they are not alone: We’ll get through this together. I’m here.
•    Be specific in your offers of help:  Can I deliver a meal this week? Can I take you to your appointment next Monday?  My son wants to walk your dog after school.  Would you like me to watch your kids this Saturday?  Are you feeling up to a walk and talk?   
•    Be warm:  Hugs. Smiles. Kind eyes.
•    Be positive and encouraging: You can do this — one day at a time
•    Send thoughtful cards.
•    Be ok if they set boundaries with you:  Ok – I hear that you’re not ready to talk about  your most recent test results — and I’m available to listen if/when you want to talk.
•    Use texts for short messages: I’m thinking of you.  Just offered a prayer for you.  I am pulling for you.
•    Reach out via phone and let them know they don’t have to call you back if they’re not feeling up to it.
•    Meet them where they are:  You’re right — this is scary.  And, I’m here.

What Not to Say:
•    I googled your cancer and found some stuff on the Internet that you need to read.
•    My co-worker had the same thing and here’s what he did…
•    Don’t feel that way.
•    Is that one of the bad cancers?
•     Do the doctors think you got this cancer because you ______? (e.g. smoked in your 20’s, are overweight, clean your house with chemicals, worked in that factory 10 years ago, don’t eat enough vegetables, etc.)

If you’re not sure — ask your friend:  I would like to ask you some questions about your treatment.  And, if I ask anything too sensitive — please tell me.  Is that ok?

Renewing regular activities after cancer treatment is necessary to further the healing process.  So continue the encouragement and support as your friend settles into the “new normal” in this next phase of life.

Friendships are an important part of the cancer fight and recovery.  If you can’t be a sister — be a sister-friend to someone fighting cancer.

Let your roots grow down into Him,
let your lives be built on Him.
Colossians 2:7

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Affairs: Sweet Poison that Destroys Love

By in Relationships

Spring 2018

The decision to end the affair vs. end the marriage is a common topic in my office.  And, I often hear the unfaithful spouse tell themselves stories that are not grounded in truth.

Common Myths:

  • Myth#1:  I’m not hurting anyone. Betrayal is a deep, cutting pain – that burns like acid for years amongst spouses, children and family members.
  • Myth#2: Affairs prove there’s no love left in the marriage.  The very act of an affair loosens the bond of the marriage.  It is the affair that kills the feeling of love.
  • Myth#3: Divorce is the only option after an affair. An affair is a wake-up call that a marriage is broken. I have seen the beautiful re-birth of marriages, post-affair.

Why Affairs Often Die

  • The very zest of what made the relationship spicy fades with time.
  • Affair partners tend to realize that what they gave up is more important than what they now share.
  • One person realizes their sacrifice was greater than what the other person had to sacrifice, leading to resentment and regret.
  • The affair was built on secrecy and lies – making it hard for openness and honesty.

The affair relationship that seemed the pathway to “true happiness” brings about the exact opposite.

6 Steps for the Unfaithful Spouse

  1.  Stop seeing your affair partner —immediately.
  2.  Keep talking and listening, no matter how painful.
  3.  Take responsibility.
  4.  Don’t expect forgiveness right away.
  5.  Allow your spouse to “check on you” (e.g. look at your phone/computer)
  6.  Stop telling lies.

Finding “true happiness” in your life, should not include decimating the lives of those around you.  If the marriage continues to crumble and you decide to divorce — stay faithful until the divorce is finalized.  Don’t hurt the very person who you once told, I love you.

“The cruelest lies are often told in silence.”
–  Robert Louis Stevenson

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Is the IPhone Destroying Today’s Kids?

By in Relationships

Fall 2017

Dr. Jean Twenge, PHD is a researcher and author on generational differences.  She has been studying the impact of technology and culture on children for 25 years.  Dr. Twenge has dubbed the most recent generation (those born between 1995–2012) as “iGen.”   They are the first generation to spend their entire adolescence in the age of the smartphone.  

This newest generation of children and adolescents, look and act much differently than any other generation before them. 

In 2012, researchers noticed abrupt shifts in teen behaviors and emotional states. What happened in 2012?   It was the defining moment in American history when the percentage of Americans who owned a smartphone became 50%+.

Smartphones have shifted every aspect of teenagers’ lives – rates of teen depression and suicide have skyrocketed since 2012. Kids state they feel left-out and lonely.  

Children are not growing up.  18-year-olds act like 15-year-olds and 15-year-olds act like 13-year-olds. Childhood stretches well into high school.  Children fear independence.

Psychologist Jean M. Twenge says children are on the brink of a mental health crisis; more depressed, more fearful and don’t know how to talk about their feelings

How to Reclaim your Children & Family

Start with Fun:  It can be more fun to add new activities into your children’s lives than limiting or taking away their technology. Often kids view their screens as the most pleasurable activity in their life so allow them to brainstorm activities they want to do; ice skating, paint ball, bowling, zoos, aquariums, craft class, bounce house, parks, etc.

Set Limits on Technology: The American Academy of Pediatrics guidelines are 1-2 hours per day for children. Limit all technology that have screens; computers, laptops, handheld devices, iPods, TV sets, console video games, online gaming, streaming videos, general reading or surfing, and social networking. Discuss the new rules in a positive way at a family meeting.

Cut Back on your Use of Technology:  Limit your online distractions when your kids are home. Set a time that everybody puts electronics away, including mom and dad.  Drop everything that you are doing when your kids get home from school to talk to them. Limit your own usage and model for them that life is better without a lot of electronics.

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The New Epidemic: L.O.N.E.L.Y.

By in Relationships

July/August 2017

lone·ly [lohn-lee]
The discrepancy between what you want from relationships and what you feel you get

The truth is — we’re all somewhat scared of loneliness to varying degrees:

  • of being left out
  • of not being loved
  • of not being included
  • of not being needed
  • of being left behind
  • of not being cared about
  • of being rejected or abandoned

What’s shocking is the increased prevalence of chronic loneliness. John Cacioppo, director and researcher at the University of Chicago, studies loneliness and states it has negatively impacts 2 out of 5 people.

Why?
We aren’t as closely bound. We no longer live in multi-generational villages with grandparents, cousins and aunts/uncles living in the same house or 3 blocks away. 

Divorce numbers are high – so more families are disjointed and disorganized.

Companies are less loyal and no longer provide the stability of a life-long job. Losing a job or constantly moving for career opportunities creates a feeling of not belonging.

What’s the Cure for Lonely?
(1) Admit it
(2) Realize that the loss of close friends/connections is normal
(3) Do something to rebuild it

My book recommendation is, Friendships Don’t Just Happen by Shasta Nelson. Even though it is written for women — men can gleam a lot of wisdom from the author’s ideas

Shasta smashes the myth that we should wait for friendship to happen to us and she normalizes the fact that friends come and go.

The author confidently states that friendships that ward off “lonely” have 2 endearing qualities; (1) deeper levels of intimacy and (2) consistency.

“I need friends” is not an admittance of failure — it’s an admittance of the truth that friendships change and we need to do something to nourish ourselves.

Friendships Don’t Just Happen lays out a simple, brilliant and executable concept to admit loneliness, embrace its message and then do something about it.

A SPECIAL NOTE ABOUT THE ELDERLY & LONELY:

Having lived with my 93-year old mother the last year of her life — I understand the loneliness that is unique to the very old.  They don’t have the same vigor or ability to maintain connections. 

The elderly often feel “who would want to be friends with an old person.”  Yet, they still crave connection because they are still humans beings.

Befriend someone who is old.  Be their window to the world. 

I’ve been doing that for the last year.  My new and special friend is Agnes — she’s 96.  I see her 3-4 times a week.  Agnes tells me stories about her life and asks me to tell stories about mine.  

Agnes is a faith-filled woman who asked me last week with a bit of trepidation in her voice, “Elizabeth, will you pray for me?”  I smiled and responded, “For the rest of my life.”  She smiled back lovingly and stated, “And I’ll pray for you, my friend.”

Anyone who says, “old people have nothing to give” …. has never met Agnes.  

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Shame Sucks the Life Out of Relationships

By in Relationships

February 2017

If you don’t know what shame is – spend 20 minutes on Facebook or reviewing the reader’s comments to any news story.  People shame others by; name-calling, negative labels, sarcasm, ridiculing, shunning and expressing disgust.  Shame sends the message – YOU are stupid, defective and unworthy– and you deserve to be ostracized, persecuted and rejected.

Brene Brown, the most well-known researcher and author on shame, explains; “Shame is the intense painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.”

Self-loathing becomes an identity statement: I’m stupid. Nobody loves me.  I’m a failure. I’m not good enough. I’m a mistake.  People see me as an idiot.  There’s something wrong with me.  I’m bad.  I’m a fraud.  If people knew me – they wouldn’t like me.

Shame in Childhood 
The first time most people experience shame is childhood. Typically, shame is used by parents, teachers or coaches to keep children in line with the rules of the school, society or the family. After a child is shamed, they will either: (1) use shame as a bullying weapon against their peers and classmates and/or (2) self-shame themselves.  Children who get into a lot of fights or bully other children are often heavily shamed at home.

Shame in Adulthood
Offra Gerstein, Ph.D., explains why adults use shame: “The most common reason why people shame others is to quell their own feelings of hurt, annoyance, irritation, insecurity or displeasure. The attack is a way to feel empowered by disempowering.”

Jane Middelton-Moz, Ph.D., author of Shame & Guilt: Masters of Disguise observes the following:

  • Adults shamed as children fear exposure of their flaws.
  • Adults shamed as children may appear grandiose/narcissistic/self-centered or seem selfless.
  • Adults shamed as children frequently blame others before they can be blamed.
  • Adults shamed as children may suffer from debilitating, “It’s my fault.” These individuals apologize constantly. They absorb responsibility for the feelings of those around them.
  • Adults shamed as children feel they must do things perfectly or not at all. This internalized belief frequently leads to performance anxiety and procrastination.
  • Adults shamed as children block their feelings of shame through compulsive/excessive behaviors; drinking, exercise, workaholism, eating disorders, shopping, substance-abuse or gambling.
  • Adults shamed as children build false boundaries through walls, rage, people pleasing or isolation.

What to do:

  • Notice if there’s one person in particular who makes you feel bad.  Listen carefully to the way they speak to you. Counter their negativity with healthy self-talk: “That negativity belongs to them – it’s not mine to keep.”
  • Set healthy boundary with the person who consistently shames you.   Speak firmly and in a calm voice, “I’m asking you to stop speaking that way to me.  You’re tearing me down. I will stop you or leave if you continue.”  Then take the action, if they continue.
  • STOP negative self-talk. Own that it belongs to you – and calm it:  “No, he is not saying I’m stupid – my boss merely pointed out that I had a typo in my presentation.  And, he’s right – I did make a mistake.  I’m human.  I’m not stupid.”
  • Surround yourself with healthy people who are both honest and kind.  Supportive friends, family or trusted acquaintances are a great reality check of your self-perception and negative shaming statements that are not true.
  • Distance yourself from people, places, things that exude negativity: Facebook, the news, tweets, discussion boards, gossipy friends, pot-stirring co-workers, nosey neighbors and family members who put you down and then say, “I was only kidding!  You’re too sensitive.”
Finally, if you ever see a child being shamed, teased or bullied — step in to stop it immediately.  Notify their parents, the parents of the children who are bullying and the teachers.
You never know — you may have just changed the course of that child’s life.
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After the Affair – Now What?

By in Relationships

November 2016

affair  noun  af·fair \ə-ˈfer\

That is a gut-wrenching word that no married person wants associated with their own marriage.

How many people cheat?  That’s a difficult number to pinpoint yet studies indicate roughly 35% of women and 50+% of men have at least 1 affair during their marriage.  Ruth Houston (founder of InfidelityAdvice.com) cites that 1 in every 3 couples will be affected by an affair.

The #1 setting for affairs to emerge — the workplace.

Dr. Shirley Glass (author of Not Just Friends) gives a clear definition of cheating:
Infidelity is any emotional or sexual intimacy that violates trust.

Research shows there are distinct stages to an affair:
1) Emotional bond (talking, texting, sharing stories),
2) Secrets/Lies in order to protect and guard the relationship
3) Courtship and Dates (meeting for coffee, playing golf, walks in the park, taking a drive together)
4) Sexual connection

Not all affairs progress to sexual intimacy and not all affairs include an emotional bond.  All affairs do wound.

When working with couples, I refer to an affair as (1) toxic and destructive and (2) a formidable catalyst for change.  That change unfolds when they both choose to work on the marriage or at least begin the journey together to see what’s left of the marriage.

After the Affair is Discovered
It’s common that the betrayed partner demands to know everything and gives directives that the affair must stop – as he/she cycles through feelings of hurt, anger, rejection, abandonment, betrayal, confusion and disbelief.

The unfaithful partner also experiences great depths of suffering.  They experience pain and shame (for what they did and/or for getting caught).  They might feel trapped under the weight of ultimatums to choose between the betrayed partner and the affair partner.  They can be overwhelmed trying to navigate their own feelings along with others who know about the affair, including their children.

Step One: Stop the Affair & Share
Recovery takes time and is similar to any natural disaster – what happens immediately after the discovery of the affair is key.

In my office I say, “All walls must turn to windows – what was hidden must be seen.”  What does that mean?  All contact between the unfaithful partner and affair partner – must stop.  No new lies or secrets can occur.

This is an essential building block.  Without it, the betrayed partner cannot move forward.

Stephen Judah Ph.D. (author of Staying Together When an Affair Pulls You Apart) outlines the essential information that should be shared:

  • Who
  • What happened (in general terms)
  • When
  • Where (especially if anything happened on sacred turf)
  • Current status (terminated or still going on)
  • Who else knows

It is common for the betrayed partner to want to know specific details related to the sexual acts and performance comparisons.  No — this topic needs to be taken off the table.  What is heard can never be unheard.  Sorid details can push the affair partner into new lies and ignite new pain for the betrayed partner.

A key component to life after an affair is to seek professional help in the recovery process — even if the journey is moving toward divorce.

BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS:

  • Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass, Ph.D.
  • Staying Together When an Affair Pulls You Apart by Stephen Judah, Ph.D
  • Private Lies by Frank Pittman, M.D.
  • Love Must Be Tough by James Dobson, Ph.D
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3 Tips to Detox Relationships

By in Relationships

JULY 2016

Tip 1: Identify your Side of the Street

You can’t change their side of the street.  That’s why it’s so important to understand how you navigate conflict and to fully own where you fall short.

Here are 3 very common patterns that people tend to lean into that don’t work:

  1. Amp-up with anger, irritation or frustration.  This includes the use of any of the following: strong words, loud voice, sarcasm, blunt, verbal attack, threats, physical gestures or blame
  2. Amp-down by emotionally shutting down.  This includes: not verbalizing what you are thinking, holding in anger/irritation, thinking it’s best to say nothing rather than stir up conflict, feeling hurt but not expressing it or pretending that everything is “just fine”.
  3. Amp-down by physically withdrawing.  This is simply leaving the room/conversation to go somewhere else (e.g. the other room, for a drive, the gym, a friend’s house).

People who have an “amp-down” style of communication feel good that they never fight.  The reality is you don’t resolve conflict … you avoid it. People who have an “amp-up” style believe the bigger energy helps them to be heard.  It actually has the opposite effect

Tip 2: Change your Side of the Street
Now that you have some clarity as to what you’re doing to hurt the relationship — it’s time to start speaking for what you want to change. The goal in healthy relationships is knowing how to navigate conflict which includes boundaries and crystal clear communication.

Express feelings with short and direct requests with 1-2 sentences with a calm, compassionate voice. Drop any language that is blunt, laden with blame or sarcastic. It might sound like this:

  • “It hurts when you criticize me. I need you to stop.”
  • “Lower your voice.  I want to hear you – and I can’t when you’re loud.”
  • “I’m not ok with your drinking.  I love you and I’m asking you to make a change.”
  • “I withdraw when you snap at me.  That needs to stop.”
  • “I want to hear your point of view and I want you to hear mine. I don’t feel heard when you talk over me.”

Tip 3: Fill Your Love Tank
Many relationships fail not because people don’t put in the effort but because people express their love in the “wrong” way.

The Five Love Languages, a NY Times Best Seller, by Gary Chapman clearly explains that each of us has a primary love language.  When you speak the right language to those you love — it fills up their “love tank”.   They feel more connected and loved by you.  And, it provides to you an easy way to ask for more love and connection.

Here are the 5 Love Languages, as developed by Dr. Chapman:

  1. Physical Touch:  A person whose primary language is touch loves non-sexual contact including; hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face.
  2. Acts of Service:  Can wiping down the kitchen countertop be taken as, “I love you?”  Yes! A person with this love language feels loved when people do things for them.
  3. Gifts:  This is not about the monetary value of the gift.  Those with this love language thrive on the thoughtfulness, surprise and effort behind the gift.
  4. Quality Time: For these people, nothing says, “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being “fully present” for the person with this love language is critical which means no TV, computer or chores to distract.
  5. Words of Affirmation:  Actions don’t always speak louder than words. People with this love language, relish in compliments and affirmative phrases.
Read The 5 Love Languages and pay attention to ALL your relationships — spouse, partner, children, family and friends.  Which relationships fill your love tank and which do not?
If you have relationships that are not working — do something.
Nothing changes if nothing changes
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FOMO: Fear of Missing Out

By in Anxiety, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Stress Management

JUNE 2016

FOMO
Pronunciation: /ˈfōmō/
Anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on social media.

This word/acronym is new.  It was added to the Oxford English Dictionary in 2013 to describe the social angst tied to the usage of social media and electronics.

The anxiety that “others have a better life” has always been somewhat common among 20-somethings as they find their feet in this world as an adult.  They hear of their classmates landing exciting jobs in flashy organizations and can feel overwhelmed as they focus on their college debt and wanting-it-all-right-now.   Facebook and other social media amplifies that feeling – “you’re not doing as well as others”.

The social angst of “missing out on something” also hits 30/40-somethings that believe they should have it all together.  They embrace the fairy tale story woven through Facebook that others are rich, happily married and quite successful. They might notice a sinking feeling inside as they view the in-your-face affluence of a high-school friend, who posts a dozen pictures of her Hawaii vacation.

Even 50/60-somethings experience intensified feelings of inadequacy, regret in relationships and disappointment in fading career choices.  Looking through the lens of social media, it’s easy to say, “Look at Ben enjoying retirement — I should have taken that Federal job when I had the chance.  And, Sara’s grandchildren visit her often — mine don’t.”

Even those in the workforce who have a company phone or Blackberry might notice they regularly check their work email in the evening and/or weekends.  This is another form of FOMO.  The Fear of Missing Out in the workplace has underpinnings of anxiety (such as fear of failure or fear of being judged/criticized).   This type of FOMO drives people to be “attached to work” through their electronics, even though they are supposed to be off work and enjoying work-life balance.

Popular writer on psychology and technology, Nir Eyal (author of  “Hooked”), states that it’s important to remember that the feeling of FOMO is common and not unusual.  Nir offers these tips:
•    Delete social media apps from your mobile device. It is not as radical as quitting Facebook altogether but is a quick and relatively easy way to reduce social media use when you are away from the computer.
•    Take a hiatus from social media. Try staying offline for a day, a week, or maybe even a month. Examples abound of people cutting themselves off and waking up to the wonders of the real world.

My suggestions to clients include:
•    Create a written gratitude list (with pen and paper) to remind yourself of the good things in your life.
•    Focus on what you want from life and begin to live your life more fully, in ways that are important to you (not others).  I found the book, “Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren a game-changer for me in my early 40’s.
•    Have a basket by the front door — any work-related devices get placed in it upon arriving home for the evening.  It’s a great place for personal devices too during family dinners and social gatherings.
•    Develop a gentle mantra as you use Facebook, “This is not an accurate representation of reality” – so that you can relish in the good things happening to others while not robbing yourself of peace or contentment.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

― Theodore Roosevelt

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Let Go of Stress * Let Go of a Grudge

By in Anger, Relationships, Stress Management

May 2016

grudge
Noun grəj/
: a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury

Grudges impact you negatively — physically, emotionally, spiritually.

Joseph Neumann PhD, who has researched the relationship between grudge-holding and heart disease, reports, “When I treat patients with heart disease, I am struck by how many are bitter, angry, resentful and depressed.”  He went on to say, “Holding onto grudges and resentment affects their health and their ability to heal.”

Grudge-Holding Impacts Stress Levels:

  • Bitterness – Loneliness – Anger – Depression – Anxiety
  • Tough to enjoy new experiences
  • Decreased self-esteem
  • Feeling misunderstood
  • Negativity that takes up a lot of room
  • Consumed with revenge and punishment
  • Difficult to build new relationships
  • Perpetual energy drain to hold onto “I’ll never let this go”

forgive
Verb for-give
: to stop feeling anger toward someone who has done wrong
: to stop blaming

Here’s the truth about holding a grudge – it hurts you – not the other person.

Resentment is like swallowing
poison and waiting for
the other person to die.

Forgiveness is a process – it’s not an on-off switch.

  • Acknowledge that you hold a grudge and set an agreement with yourself that you want to begin the process of letting it go
  • Reflect upon the benefits of forgiveness for you (not the other person).  Do I want that person to have so much power in my life today?  What would it would feel like to not have that rock of hardness in my heart? 
  • Connect to a spirit of forgiveness and acceptance through:
    • Books:  Two of my favorite authors are Dr. Wayne Dyer “Living An Inspired Life” and Catholic author, Father Jacques Philippe “Interior Freedom”.
    • Prayer: “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who have trespassed against us.”
    • Visualization:  Feel the anger and resentment in your body.  Now, picture yourself in a beautiful setting in nature (on top of a mountain – by the ocean – in a sunny meadow).  In that place of beauty, breathe in kindness and forgiveness.  Breathe out anger, resentment, vindictiveness and hurt.  You can ask God or angels or a divine light to help you release the negativity and take in a refreshed, forgiving spirit.

Very often we feel restricted in our situation, our family, or our surroundings.  But maybe the real problem lies elsewhere…in our hearts.
Fr. Jacques Phillippe, Catholic Author – “Interior Freedom”

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