Archive | Stress Management

FOMO: Fear of Missing Out

By Elizabeth Galanti in Anxiety, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Stress Management

JUNE 2016

FOMO
Pronunciation: /ˈfōmō/
Anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on social media.

This word/acronym is new. It was added to the Oxford English Dictionary in 2013 to describe the social angst tied to the usage of social media and electronics.

The anxiety that “others have a better life” has always been somewhat common among 20-somethings as they find their feet in this world as an adult. They hear of their classmates landing exciting jobs in flashy organizations and can feel overwhelmed as they focus on their college debt and wanting-it-all-right-now. Facebook and other social media amplifies that feeling – “you’re not doing as well as others”.

The social angst of “missing out on something” also hits 30/40-somethings that believe they should have it all together. They embrace the fairy tale story woven through Facebook that others are rich, happily married and quite successful. They might notice a sinking feeling inside as they view the in-your-face affluence of a high-school friend, who posts a dozen pictures of her Hawaii vacation.

Even 50/60-somethings experience intensified feelings of inadequacy, regret in relationships and disappointment in fading career choices. Looking through the lens of social media, it’s easy to say, “Look at Ben enjoying retirement — I should have taken that Federal job when I had the chance. And, Sara’s grandchildren visit her often — mine don’t.”

Even those in the workforce who have a company phone or Blackberry might notice they regularly check their work email in the evening and/or weekends. This is another form of FOMO. The Fear of Missing Out in the workplace has underpinnings of anxiety (such as fear of failure or fear of being judged/criticized). This type of FOMO drives people to be “attached to work” through their electronics, even though they are supposed to be off work and enjoying work-life balance.

Popular writer on psychology and technology, Nir Eyal (author of “Hooked”), states that it’s important to remember that the feeling of FOMO is common and not unusual. Nir offers these tips:
• Delete social media apps from your mobile device. It is not as radical as quitting Facebook altogether but is a quick and relatively easy way to reduce social media use when you are away from the computer.
• Take a hiatus from social media. Try staying offline for a day, a week, or maybe even a month. Examples abound of people cutting themselves off and waking up to the wonders of the real world.

My suggestions to clients include:
•   Create a written gratitude list (with pen and paper) to remind yourself of the good things in your life.
•   Focus on what you want from life and begin to live your life more fully, in ways that are important to you (not others). I found the book, “Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren a game-changer for me in my early 40’s.
• Have a basket by the front door — any work-related devices get placed in it upon arriving home for the evening. It’s a great place for personal devices too during family dinners and social gatherings.
•   Develop a gentle mantra as you use Facebook, “This is not an accurate representation of reality” – so that you can relish in the good things happening to others while not robbing yourself of peace or contentment.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

― Theodore Roosevelt

Let Go of Stress * Let Go of a Grudge

By Elizabeth Galanti in Anger, Relationships, Stress Management

May 2016

grudge
Noun grəj/
: a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury

Grudges impact you negatively — physically, emotionally, spiritually.

Joseph Neumann PhD, who has researched the relationship between grudge-holding and heart disease, reports, “When I treat patients with heart disease, I am struck by how many are bitter, angry, resentful and depressed.” He went on to say, “Holding onto grudges and resentment affects their health and their ability to heal.”

Grudge-Holding Impacts Stress Levels:

Bitterness – Loneliness – Anger – Depression – Anxiety
Tough to enjoy new experiences
Decreased self-esteem
Feeling misunderstood
Negativity that takes up a lot of room
Consumed with revenge and punishment
Difficult to build new relationships
Perpetual energy drain to hold onto “I’ll never let this go”

forgive
Verb for-give
: to stop feeling anger toward someone who has done wrong
: to stop blaming

Here’s the truth about holding a grudge – it hurts you – not the other person.

Resentment is like swallowing
poison and waiting for
the other person to die.

Forgiveness is a process – it’s not an on-off switch.

Acknowledge that you hold a grudge and set an agreement with yourself that you want to begin the process of letting it go
Reflect upon the benefits of forgiveness for you (not the other person). Do I want that person to have so much power in my life today? What would it would feel like to not have that rock of hardness in my heart?
Connect to a spirit of forgiveness and acceptance through:
- Books: Two of my favorite authors are Dr. Wayne Dyer “Living An Inspired Life” and Catholic author, Father Jacques Philippe “Interior Freedom”.
- Prayer: “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who have trespassed against us.”
- Visualization: Feel the anger and resentment in your body. Now, picture yourself in a beautiful setting in nature (on top of a mountain – by the ocean – in a sunny meadow). In that place of beauty, breathe in kindness and forgiveness. Breathe out anger, resentment, vindictiveness and hurt. You can ask God or angels or a divine light to help you release the negativity and take in a refreshed, forgiving spirit.

Very often we feel restricted in our situation, our family, or our surroundings. But maybe the real problem lies elsewhere…in our hearts.
Fr. Jacques Phillippe, Catholic Author – “Interior Freedom”

Feeling Bad About Yourself? It’s your Inner Critic.

By Elizabeth Galanti in Depression, Mindfulness, Self-Esteem, Stress Management

November 2015

An Inner Critic is the constant stream of inner evaluation of yourself and others. Similar to background music in a coffee shop — the Critic becomes background chatter in your mind. It is often surprising to people when they begin to realize how much/often that Critic spews its negative dialogue.

The critical inner voice seems to monitor your behavior and thoughts, easily handing out sub-par performance ratings. It mocks you, shames you, puts fear in your heart, tells you to not try hard or pushes you into high performance. It drives anxiety, depression, anger and self-loathing and push you into exhaustion.

What’s your Inner Critic say?
You’re not good enough.
You’re going to fail.
You are a failure.
No one likes you.
No one loves you.
You’re a bad mom.
You’re an idiot.
Work harder.
You’re fat
Give up.
Stay small.
You’re stupid.
That was stupid.
Don’t take that risk.
You drink too much.
They think you’re a loser.
He/She doesn’t care about you.
You’ll never, ever be good enough. Never. Ever.

People are addicted to self-criticism. Who among us hasn’t had the experience of learning to be judgmental of ourselves as a teenager, when we are so worried about how we’re going to appear to others or what might happen if we don’t perform well?

Noticing the Inner Critic
The first step in noticing the voice of your Inner Critic, recognizing when it begins to attack you. What are your triggers? Attending certain social events? Speaking in a meeting? Asking someone out on a date? Trying on clothes? Making a mistake? Being criticized by a friend/boss/sibling? Not getting a promotion? Yelling at your children? Drinking too much? Not performing well at work?

Making Peace with the Critic
The key to lessening the voice of the Critic is to understand it. Now that you begin to notice when it attacks you — let’s understandwhy attacks and shames you.

Grab a journal and spend some time with the following.

When did the Critic begin to attack you? Think of the earliest memories or the evidence of events that have happened in the past that substantiate why it attacks you. Ponder those memories and past evidence.

Ask that critical voice some questions:

What is it trying to accomplish by judging, belittling or pushing you?
What is it afraid would happen if it didn’t do that?
What is it trying to protect you from?

Notice – is there a small part of you that absorbs everything the Critic says and believes those messages? (I am hopeless. I am not good enough. I am a failure. I am worthless. There is something wrong with me. I’m ugly/fat.)

Is it true that you have an Inner Critic AND you have a part of you thatbelieves the Inner Critic? Most likely — yes.

As you take a next deep breath, see if you can feel some compassion toward the vulnerable part of you that holds that fear or belief.

As an example — I see that vulnerable 13-year old inside of me who holds the false belief that mom and dad won’t love me if I do poorly in school or sports. The Inner Critic began to push me hard at a young age to succeed and achieve — so I wouldn’t fail and lose their love.

The Critic certainly helped me to achieve things in life and to succeed — and I’m grateful for that. The problem is that the Critic never stopped criticizing me even during success. It pushed me relentlessly with constant criticism into my 20’s, 30’s and 40’s, causing my stress levels to rise. I became an expert at self-shaming myself if I didn’t perform well.

Once I began to appreciate the efforts of the Inner Critic and I felt compassion for that 13-year old (who still believed good grades = more love) — it became the magic bullet to love myself for who I am — not for what I do.

The old adage “Love yourself” need not just be another cliché. It can become your truth as you begin to quiet the voice of the Critic.

Emotional Eating: 5 Reasons Why You Can’t Stop

By Elizabeth Galanti in Emotional Eating, Mindfulness, Self-Esteem, Stress Management

July 2015

Why are you eating? Paying attention to the answer is key.

It’s astonishing to hear that the weight-loss industry in the United States hauls in $40 billion annually with diet pills, diet books, meal plans and surgical procedures. The number of people who are dieting at any given time is 100 million, with an average of 4-5 diets each year.

Yet, obesity continues to accelerate and the United States is facing a health epidemic related to excessive consumption. Why?

1. Unawareness
Emotional eating is when you’re full and you continue to eat. Snacks and dessert are often eaten when you are not hungry and you don’t even notice. The solution? Be mindful of what and when you are eating. Ask 2 questions when you are going for food, “Am I hungry? What emotion am I feeding?” Listen to the response and act accordingly.

2. Food as Your Only Pleasure
You might notice that desserts and snacks help you temporarily feel better and soothe yourself. Why? Sugars and fats release opioids in your brain which are the active ingredients in cocaine, heroin and many other narcotics. The calming, soothing effects you feel are real. The solution? Find other ways to soothe with a healthy dose of something else; a good book, a walk in the park, a warm bath, meditation/prayer.

3. Inability to Tolerate Difficult Feelings
Not being able to tolerate “negative” feelings makes you susceptible to emotional eating. The solution? Pay attention to your feelings and then do something to shift that feeling. Bored – call a friend to chat. Lonely – go for a walk in the park and say “hi” to people that pass by. Angry – write a note of apology to someone you’ve hurt. Feeling unheard — write out your feelings in a journal. Spiritually dry — pray.

4. Body Hate
It may sound illogical, but it’s true: hating your body is one of the biggest factors in emotional eating. Negativity, shame and self-hatred rarely inspire people to make healthy changes. Many people tell me they will stop hating their body after they reach a better weight. That’s backwards — stop hating your body so you can stop your emotional eating. You might even notice that after you eat a certain food or you eat too much — your Inner Critic begins to berate you, calling you names such as “disgusting, pig, fat, out of control, etc.” Then, your self-esteem plummets and you reach for food to comfort yourself.

5. Physiology
Letting yourself get too hungry, worn-down or tired sets you up for emotional eating. Solution? Get plenty of sleep and eat only when your body tells you it is hungry. You might eat when you are actually thirsty — grab a glass of water instead of instantly heading to the vending machine. Ask yourself, “Am I hungry? What am I feeling right now?” Use an essential oil such as Lavender on the bottom of your feet at bedtime to help get a natural and restful sleep.

The Solution: Mindfulness
Mindfulness is deliberately paying attention, being fully aware of what is happening inside of yourself – body, heart, mind, spirit. Mindfulness is awareness without criticism or judgment — being able to get that Inner Critic to relax back so you can enjoy the moment.

If you are hungry – eat, pause, enjoy, savor, slow down. By pausing – you are able to sense when you are full. Then, stop. If you want to save room for dessert – stop eating your main meal when you are still hungry. Let it settle about 5-10 minutes. Then have a sensible portion of dessert.

In mindful eating you are not comparing yourself to anyone else. You are simply witnessing the many sensations and thoughts that come up as you eat.

Living and eating with mindfulness means that you experience:

The pleasure of eating well that is based on internal cues of hunger and satiety rather than on external food plans or diets
Self-acceptance and respect for the diversity of healthy, beautiful bodies rather than the pursuit of an idealized weight at all costs
The joy of movement, encouraging all physical activities rather than prescribing a specific exercise routine.

QUOTE: “Well, I think probably the main reason
people overeat is stress.”
~Jenny Craig

Can You Stay Sane While They Still Drink?

By Elizabeth Galanti in Addiction, Mindfulness, People Pleasing, Relationships, Stress Management

April 2015

When I work family members that have loved ones who struggle with addiction – the most frequent question I hear is, “How can I make them stop drinking (or using drugs or gambling or cheating or etc.)?”

You might ask yourself, “What’s the magical thing that I need to say to them – what threat, what ultimatum? Should I be mean – should I be nice – do I sweep it under the rug – do I get in their face?” Perhaps you’ve even done all those things – and none of them work in the long-run.

If you have an alcoholic in your life, you likely understand that life with a practicing addict is generally quite chaotic at times, which might also be tempered with really good times.

What can you do to get off the roller coaster? Accept you are powerless over the addicted person and detach from them. You cannot control people, places or things.

Detachment with love means caring enough about others to allow them to learn from their mistakes. It also means being responsible for your own welfare and making decisions without ulterior motives, such as the desire to control the alcoholic.
Detachment with love plants the seeds of recovery. When you refuse to take responsibility for other people’s alcohol or drug use, you allow them to face the natural consequences of their behavior. If a child asks why daddy missed the school play, you do not have to lie. Instead, you can say, “That’s a good question. You’ll have to ask him.”

Detachment means giving up outcomes. Your job is the effort, not the outcome. Leave the outcome to God. Do your part and let go of the rest. You will begin to experience peace.

Detachment with love is not selfish. It is freeing — and it is love.

Detachment is a choice.
Unconditional love is a choice.
Giving up control is a choice.
Being afraid is a choice.
Choosing to be peaceful is a choice.
Choosing to act, and not react, is a choice.
Trusting your loved ones to live their own lives is a choice.

What’s Your Knee-Jerk Response?

By Elizabeth Galanti in Relationships, Stress Management, Work Issues

March 2015

A Powerful Predictor of Workplace Stress

The world is full of danger and when people feel safe, they trust and cooperate. When they don’t, they waste time and energy defending themselves from each other.

We live most of our lives wired and wound up, rarely pausing to relax or unplug from the daily grind. What are the consequences of your ever-hectic life? When you are stressed at work, you lose natural qualities of communication, compassion, patience, cooperation and creativity.

Why are some people and organizations more innovative, more influential and more profitable than others? Why do some people naturally command greater loyalty?

Research shows that what you do with your knee-jerk reaction is key to workplace stress.

Business relationships are often rocky due to poor communication, misinterpretation of facts and pressurized environments. Mole hills become mountains and mistakes become disasters in the course of a day.

Whether you are the president of the company or the assistant who sets up the conference room — your communication style can have an enormous affect on others.

Knee Jerk Reactions that Create Stress:
Passive or Aggressive Communication
When you don’t proactively ask for what you want or need from your employees/boss – you are passively communicating. With a passive style, you don’t often share your true thoughts and feelings, especially if you think it will lead to conflict. You aren’t direct and succinct during or after confrontation.

Passive communicators often believe they ‘aren’t good enough’ and that ‘other people are better’, and so you take the ‘one down’ position. This creates resentment and long-term stress. You might resort to sarcasm or gossip to indirectly communicate your feelings — neither are helpful.

If you use aggressive communication, you take the ‘one-up’ position. You might attack, belittle, blame, criticize and generally denigrate the other person to get what you want.

People who speak with an aggressive style tend to use the words, ‘always’ and ‘never.’ For example, an aggressive communicator might say, “You never finish your reports on time. You’re always sloppy!”

You might think your aggressive style is direct and effective but it tears down feelings of equality. Trust, faith, safety and goodwill in your workplace relationships will erode. People will eventually leave you or turn on you.

Reactions that Reduce Stress:
Assertive Communication
Assertive communication is a balanced communication style that privileges each voice in the conversation equally. An assertive communicator will freely and respectfully disclose their feelings, thoughts, wants and needs in a way that can be heard by the other.

The basis of assertive communication is to treat all people equally. You support yourself in having a perspective and a voice, and you also respect that your employee has a perspective and a voice that may be different from yours, but is just as valuable.

Assertive communicators use ‘I’ language to express their thoughts and feelings.

Assertive communicators will expect that differences will arise in their team and be prepared to move into difficult and anxiety-provoking discussions with a goal of equality and resolution.

An assertive communicator doesn’t blame others for how they feel which is an important distinction from the aggressive communicator who will often blame others for the way they are feeling.

How to Shift Your Knee Jerk Response

1. Take a breath or 2 or 3. Slow yourself down for the briefest of pauses—just enough time to subvert your default reaction. In that moment, notice your gut reaction. How do you tend to handle poor performance? Do you get angry? Stressed? Needy? Distant? Your goal is to give people what they need to perform, not what you need to release.

2. Decide on the outcome you want. Be specific — maybe it’s improved performance. What does this particular person need in order to turn around this particular poor performance or failure? Maybe it’s help defining a stronger strategy, or brainstorming different tactics, or identifying what went right. Maybe they need to know you trust them, you’re on their side and that mistakes happen.

3. Choose a response that will achieve the outcome you want, rather than simply making your already obvious displeasure more obvious.

The added bonus in changing your knee-jerk response? It will improve your marriage and personal relationships, as well. An extra goody for you and everyone in your life.

Do Your Relationships Stumble?

By Elizabeth Galanti in People Pleasing, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Stress Management

February 2015

I often see at least one of these characteristics as interfering in relationships:

Do you frequently go along with what other people want and disregard your own needs?
Do you make decisions based on pleasing others?
Do you stay in relationships too long?
Do you use sarcasm as a way to express your dissatisfaction with someone?
Are you always trying to make people happy?
Do you get silently angry with others because your needs aren’t met?
Are you afraid to assert yourself?
Do you occasionally lash out in anger?
Is the thought of conflict scary?
Have you been told you are too clingy or dependent?

If you have any of these self-sacrificing, conflict-avoiding or people-pleasing tendencies, you may be attracted to people who are controlling or enjoy that you focus more on them. They may also be attracted to you because you let things go their way and you might even push their bad behavior under the rug.

However, this can be an unhealthy mix. You are likely to get tired of your partner always getting their way or tired of their behavior. You may resent losing your autonomy and start withdrawing or become passive-aggressive.

Stephanie was dating Brett. He was strong, confident, and easily took charge. Brett knew what he wanted and Stephanie was happy to go along because it pleased him. This contributed to his falling in love with her. They married and everything went well for a few years.

Then Stephanie began to resent the fact that he made all the decisions in their lives. She wanted to begin a family and he wasn’t ready to have children yet. She tried to go along with Brett’s wishes so she stuffed her own feelings down deep inside.

This was such an important issue for her that eventually she became angry with frequent outbursts and threats of divorce. She didn’t even realize what was happening, blamed him for being so controlling and started to withdraw from him emotionally.

Brett was confused and responded with equally combative statements, wondering what happened to his supportive wife. He never asked her how she was feeling, in a loving and supportive way. She never asked him for what she needed with compassion and honesty.

Their walls went up and the room grew cold.

Their pairing had started out well but it floundered. She was stuck in a conflict-avoiding and people-pleasing pattern while he was stuck in a controlling pattern. This destroyed their love for one another.

As in the case of Stephanie, even when you are trying to please your partner or avoid conflict or suppress your own needs, those negative emotions will eventually surface and tear you apart inside.

The resolution? Self-awareness of when you are giving too much of yourself away and assertiveness to speak for your needs, wants and desires:

Be in touch with your needs.
Ask for what you want.
Set limits and boundaries with people.
Explore your fears as to what might happen if someone got to know you from the inside.
Give yourself compassion and self-love so you feel solid even if you aren’t in a relationship.

In order to get there, you will need the courage to face your fears and develop confidence in the right to have your own thoughts/opinions. It takes practice but you can speak to others with love and respect for what you need.

Speaking out with anger, bluntness or sarcasm — doesn’t count.

You can unlock a whole new world of being a self-respecting, authentic and genuine person in your relationships.

People will love you for it.

Goal Setting with Journaling: To Live Life Fully

By Elizabeth Galanti in Mindfulness, Self-Esteem, Stress Management, Work Issues

January 2015

Sometimes you may feel stressed because you are not achieving things that are important to you or your focus seems to take you in the wrong direction. Daily stress and underlying tension can result from a lifestyle that doesn’t align with your values or goals.

Brain science has shown numerous benefits to journaling that include processing feelings and brainstorming solutions. This can not only relieve stress, but also help you attain goals by providing an opportunity to work through problems, find solutions, and keep from getting stuck in unhealthy patterns.

Use these goal setting journaling techniques to get in touch with your goals and align your priorities.

Personal & Professional Goal Setting with a Journal:

Ask yourself – What do I really want – at my very core? If you had a magic wand, what would you like to see included in your future? Ignoring the ideas of how you’ll get there, vividly imagine your ideal life, and what would be included in it. Begin to list the a couple changes and goals to go from ‘here to there.’
Continue to dream and plan as you journal – and take small steps to begin a shift. It might be as simple as taking a class that you think will get you closer to your dream job or scheduling an “informational interview” with someone who works in a profession that you’d like to move into. Pat yourself on the back for success and work through frustration of setbacks.
Make updates to your goals as they change with you. Sometimes the pursuit of one goal will lead to growth that will lead to the realization that a different direction would be better for you.
Record gratitude. It’s important to write about all the things for which you are grateful. This form of journaling can helps you develop the habit an “attitude of gratitude.” This can decrease stress, increase awareness of how far you’ve come and help you realize progress.
Acknowledge your emotions to create goals. After moving to a different city – I realized I felt lonely. So, I created a goal to find new friends, have more quality talk-time with old friend and put more fun into 2014. By volunteering, taking some cooking classes and asking people to go out to coffee/lunch — my life changed dramatically in 1 year. Now, I feel “filled up, included, connected and part of.”

As you write — and dream – and plan — and feel – then notice if there are any Inner Critics that come up. An Inner Critic is that voice inside of you that may say things like, “You need to stay small. You can’t do that. You don’t deserve that. You’re incapable of doing that. People will laugh at you if you try that. You’re too old to make changes. Give up. Stop trying. You’re defective. What’s wrong with you?”

The Inner Critic – although its messages are harsh – those voices are actually trying to protect you in some way. They are afraid of you trying something new or different – they are afraid you’ll get hurt or be judged or ridiculed or be unsafe in some way.
Inner Critics can block you from achieving your goals. Inner Critics eventually lead to regret as time passes – “I wish I had tried that or done that – but now it’s too late.”

Record your Inner Critics (and journal about them!) as you hear them. See if you can get an understanding of why they don’t want you to pursue something new/different.

A professional can help remove these blocks to set you on a path of freedom and more choices.

Journaling moves goals and the blockages from the unconscious to the conscious level. Once conscious – you can begin to live a new life.

The Gift of Saying “No”: Moving out of Co-Dependence

By Elizabeth Galanti in Addiction, People Pleasing, Self-Esteem, Stress Management

December 2014

Is someone else’s problem your problem? Are you overly responsible for a friend or loved one – their problems – their behavior? If you’ve lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to someone else’s, you may be codependent.

Signs of Codependency

•   Have difficulty saying “no”.
•   Inability to set and enforce boundaries with people.
•   Try to please people and resent it later.
•   Have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility for another.
• Experience hypervigilance around other people’s emotions.
•   Wonder why people don’t do for you what you do for them.
•   Feel like a martyr, victim or benefactor to your partner.
•   Feel worthy and valued when you are in a crisis.
•   Get angry when somebody doesn’t take your advice.
• Focus on others with unawareness of what you want/need.
•   Mistake codependency as love and caring.

Your codependent behavior likely started out as self-protection. You might have come from a background where things were out of control. As a child, perhaps the only defense you had was keeping an eye out for trouble, becoming invisible, or becoming the “little helper.”

Breaking the Cycle

Say No To Being Overly Responsible: The first step is to accept the reality of the problem and take responsibility for your part in the dynamic. Muster up your courage and say “no” to being responsible for another adult. It’s not your job to run around with a safety net to rescue them.
Say No To Obsessing about Other People’s Problems: It means trusting that the other person has the ability to take care of their own life. “Guilt” is not your badge of honor to wear when someone does not take responsibility for getting help for their problems. Speak honestly about how their problem is impacting you — then walk away. Let them fix it.
Say No to Being Attached to Other’s Harmful Behaviors: Develop a support system through healthy relationships with others and a God of your understanding (or higher power) – to detach from others’ harmful behaviors. You can still love the person without liking or enabling their behavior.
Say No to Letting Others Cross Your Boundaries: Practice finding a place of calm inside of you when your loved one gets angry or protests after you set a boundary with them. Boundaries are a loving hug. Children need boundaries and so do adults whose behavior is negatively impacting you.

Saying no is a muscle that can be exercised and strengthened over time. Keep practicing and you will find it easier.

Feel like you need more support? Al-Anon is a great place to start.

Emotional Eating: Feeding Your Emotions

By Elizabeth Galanti in Emotional Eating, Mindfulness, Self-Esteem, Stress Management

October 2014

Food does more than fill your stomach. It temporarily satisfies feelings and masks them. As you quench those feelings with comfort food when your stomach isn’t growling, that is called, “emotional eating.” Emotional eating is not done as a reaction to feeling hunger – it’s done as a reaction to feeling an emotion.

A key to recognizing the difference between physical hunger and emotional eating is mindfulness. Mindfulness merely means, “paying attention to the present moment.”

Here are 5 tips to recognize the difference:

Physical hunger occurs gradually while emotional hunger comes on suddenly.
With emotional eating, you crave a specific food (e.g. pizza, ice cream, potato chips) and only that food will meet your need. When you eat because you are actually hungry, you’re open to more food options.
Emotional hunger feels like it needs to be satisfied instantly with the food you crave. Physical hunger can wait.
Pause before you reach for a second helping. If you are full and you keep eating – it’s related to emotions.
Emotional eating leaves behind feelings of guilt or regret. Eating when you are physically hungry does not.

Much can be gained by recognizing the difference between physical hunger and emotional hunger. Mindfulness is being aware of your body sensations and emotions to realize the type of hunger you are actually feeling.

Pause and ask yourself these questions — you’ll begin to be more mindful of what and how you are eating:

Am I hungry or am I craving a particular food?
Am I actually thirsty – not hungry?
Am I upset – feeling bored – wanting to celebrate – feeling guilty? What am I feeling right now?
If I am feeling emotionally hungry – what am I really craving? Do I need to connect with someone? Do I need to do something to break my boredom that is unrelated to food?
[If I’m eating] Am I full yet? Do I need a 2^nd helping? Do I need to finish everything that is on my plate? Am I still eating because I’m still hungry – or because it is satisfying my mouth?

When you engage in mindful eating — your body will make it clear as to when you are hungry and when you are full. By listening to your body and your emotions, your body will regulate itself to a natural, normal weight for you.

This is not about losing weight. This is about eating and feeling your way to a physically healthy and emotionally balanced lifestyle.

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