June 2013
There is no doubt that work is important in today’s society. People who are hard workers and take their jobs seriously are often rewarded with promotions, bonuses and accolades from family, friends and the boss. Our results-oriented culture admires people who produce – that makes sense.
However, hard work and success can actually become addictive. Without even realizing it, a person driven by success begins to measure their personal worth by how much they get done and how successful they become. Fearing failure and needing to experience the next success, a person may be driven — moving from one success to the next, faster and faster.
Often times, this personality trait is seen as early as grade school or high school. It carries a badge of honor for the youngster to succeed in one or more areas, especially if it results in athletic and scholastic achievements. Teachers, parents, coaches, friends – send the message that “you are somebody” as the child or adolescent begins to equate success to self-worth.
RESEARCH
In the 1950’s, two heart specialists – Rosenman and Friedman – developed the term, Type A. They conducted an 8-year study of middle managers and executives and asked questions such as:
• Do you feel guilty if you use spare time to relax?
• Do you need to win in order to derive enjoyment from games and sports?
• Do you generally move, walk and eat rapidly?
• Do you often try to do more than one thing at a time?
Rosenman & Friedman described Type A behavior as competitive, ambitious, impatient and aggressive. Type A’s tend to have a harrying sense of time urgency. Individuals displaying this pattern seem to be engaged in a chronic, ceaseless and often fruitless struggle with themselves, with others, with circumstances, with time and sometimes with life itself.
RESULTS
Energetic and strong-willed Type A’s become caught in a self-made trap of attempting to hold everything together, trying to achieve greater success, negating the poetic and personal side of life and struggling to answer the question, “Has it been worth the price?” as marriages dissolve, their children grow distant or they are laid off from their beloved job. Type A’s are so focused on the destination – that they treat themselves like machines until they break down one way or another.
The first step is a candid self-appraisal. How many of these beliefs do you hold?
- I must always be competent.
- I must get everything done on time.
- I don’t have the limits of normal people.
- I must work hard all the time.
- I feel more valuable when I accomplish something.
The second step is to begin to softly shift those beliefs. You might find a phrase to say yourself several times a day that is meaningful to you:
- I do not need to work harder than others.
- I am a worthwhile person — separate from my work.
- I am loved for who I am — not what I do..
- I can rest. I don’t have to do it all.
- I do not have to control everything.
The third step is consciously take time each day to slow down:
- Take mini-breaks throughout the day (stretch, walk, eat lunch with someone).
- Take deep breaths and relax your shoulders, neck, jaw, hands when you feel tension increasing.
- Set a goal for what time you’ll leave at the end of the day — and stick to it.
- Leave your briefcase at work.
I encourage you to reach out to a mentor, spiritual advisor or counselor if you are having trouble making changes by yourself.
I’m here if you need help.